Touching the Dark
by smm
Summary: Raven usually enjoys her time to herself...but now she has a nagging feeling...
1. The Dark

**Touching the Dark**

**Author's Note:** Lots of people write about Raven committing suicide, or hating herself, cutting her wrists, or just being plain depressed. If you're one of those writers, I'm probably about to offend you. I don't think Raven's depressed, and I really think that a lot of people make her out to be a lot more sad and pathetic than she is. In Spellbound she states "I'm not creepy, I'm just different." Just because she's different doesn't mean she's depressed or she hates herself…she's just different. She likes the dark. She likes dark things. I hate it when a fan fic writer makes the characters do things that they've only done in the series…like for instance people are endlessly making Raven JUST drink tea. Hello people! She's gotta eat sometime, and I'm sure that most people have forgotten the times that she's eat pizza with the Titans. Same thing with BB and tofu. Earth calling writers: Vegans eat more than just Tofu. In fact, I've found some really good vegan recipes online, I highly suggest people that are interested should try Google for Vegan Recipes. Anyway, at the moment, this story hasn't much of a point other than showing a little bit of the world through Raven's eyes (though I'm thinking that its going to have some BbxRae in it, and it'll eventually lead to some stuff involving Raven's darkside). I'm sorry if I've annoyed anyone with my rant…but I had to get it off my chest, it was really bothering me.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything

**Chapter 1 – The Dark**

The blackness enveloped her. She breathed it in, allowed it to become part of her. To her it was beautiful in a way normal people could never understand. It was in the dark she that was the happiest. Some people like the dark because they're afraid of the light, and some people like the dark because it reflects their feelings, but for Raven the reasons were different. She loved the darkness. She loved how unbroken it was. She loved how thick it felt, as if she could reach out and caress it. Everything about the dark entranced her. The dark was calming, she loved how it felt on her skin. For Raven, darkness was more than just the absence of light, it was a friend…a quiet listener that would never betray secrets.

"Raven! Please come out." Beast Boy called. Raven didn't respond. If she spoke, she felt it would break the darkness. Beast Boy called again, "Come on Raven! I didn't mean it that way!" She knew he was sorry, but she couldn't forgive him. It wasn't the comment, it was what he was doing now. He was breaking the darkness, and that was a sin that was too much for her to forgive. Momentarily she allowed for her anger to flare. 'Shut up' she thought as she quickly got up and opened the door.

"Please go away. I do not desire your company." Raven said quickly as she slammed the door.

"But Raven!" Beast Boy called through the door. Angrily Raven turned and opened the door once more. "I said 'Go away' and I meant GO AWAY."

"…but…" Beast Boy started, slightly afraid to contradict her.

"If I tell you you're forgiven, will you go away?"

He considered this for a moment, "Would you mean it?"

She rolled her eyes, "No, but if you leave right now, I can manage to forgive you."

"All right…" Beast Boy said, unsure of himself. He sadly turned to go. He's feelings were obviously hurt. Raven's anger softened for a moment. She hadn't meant to hurt him, she just wanted to be alone. She shook her head, and closed the door.

She just wanted to be alone. She was sure the rest of the world thought that she was depressed, but it wasn't true. She just enjoyed her own company. What was so wrong with that? 'I can entertain myself. Why does everyone have to think I'm some depressed queen of the dead? I just want to be alone.' Once again she was left to the dark, but for some reason it was different from before. Her concentration had been shattered. There was a thin line between alone and being lonely, and her concentration had just crossed the line. Having the opportunity to talk to someone, now she felt a little pang for want of conversation…

She sat back down on her bed and tried to enjoy the darkness. After a few minutes she knew it was useless. She was going to have to find someone. A little thought crossed her mind. 'Maybe I should apologize to Beast Boy…I was a little short with him…and I know he didn't mean it…But on the other hand he is the reason I can concentrate.' She finally decided to just get out, maybe a short flight around the city would calm her nerves, and allow her sweet seclusion once more.


	2. Alone

Touching the Dark

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Chapter 2 - Alone

No one saw her as she made her way to the roof. She felt her body relax as it floated into the air. She gained altitude and speed the farther she got from the tower. On a whim she dipped close to the water, close enough to touch it. The water rushed by, and Raven smiled slightly as she noticed the bodies of a few fish just below the surface of the water. She gained altitude once more as she got closer to Jump City. She slowed a little as she began to notice a few of the people below her. They were so small, from this height, they seemed almost insignificant…'No! Those people are important, every single one of them…' Raven shook her head as to try and push the accidental thought out of her head. How could she have ever thought, even for one second that the people weren't worth saving? The thought that she didn't care scared her and she shivered slightly. Raven wanted to get as far away from that thought as possible. She flew higher, getting caught in a cloud momentarily. Above the clouds she couldn't see the people…she couldn't see anyone. She was alone again. Raven smiled slightly. She loved being alone.

The sky had been a slight gray when she'd set out, and now it was even darker than before. Clouds began to crowd in on her from every side. This wasn't the best flying weather. Aware that lighting may strike she lowered her altitude and flew back in the direction of the tower. Lower and lower she flew until she was barely three feet from the surface of the water. Again, Raven smiled as a thought came to her. She slowed her speed to a stop and positioned her body above the water. Her shoes lightly touched the top of the water, giving her the appearance that she was standing on the surface. For a moment Raven became giddy with this new idea. She spun in circles a few times. She couldn't help but think 'I'm dancing on water…' Suddenly the heavens let go, and the rain began to pour. Within seconds Raven was soaked to the bone. Her serious side began to take over and she resumed her flight back to the tower. The moment she was on the tower roof, she looked back to the city. "They're all important" she said, as if to reassure herself. For the next few minutes Raven felt herself caught inside the love of the rain. Drop after drop fell on her face. Her clothes were soaked but she didn't care. All she wanted to do was listen to the rain. It was loud, but not deafening. She could feel the rain dripping down her face and across her skin, it felt wonderful. She loved being alone. It was times like these that she felt whole. She didn't feel like she was fighting her emotions, and she didn't feel sad or happy or angry…she didn't feel. All she did was stand there, in the rain, just being herself. It was times like this that she loved. In her own way, these times were small gifts to herself that she could look back and enjoy when things became too cluttered. Raven breathed in the humid air, it coated her throat and refreshed her. She took one last look at the city and then turned to go inside.


	3. Strange Thoughts

**Touching the Dark**

**Author notes:** Wow, lots of reviews in a short time. Everyone seems to want me to keep going, so I guess I'll keep going. I'm still not sure about adding in romance, but we'll see where it goes…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything

**Chapter 3 – "Strange Thoughts"**

Beast Boy slammed the door to his room. "Crap! Why do I always screw up around her? No matter how hard I try I just can't do anything right!" Beast Boy said obviously annoyed with himself. He kicked some of the clutter in his room out of frustration, but quickly stopped when he missed a stay sock and hit his dresser. "Ow!" He yelped as he tried to grab his injured foot, but only succeed in losing his balance and falling on his rear. "What am I doing wrong?" he asked to know one in particular. As he rubbed his sore foot he studied the floor. Hair, lint and junk food wrappers littered his room. The air smelled of stale pizza and he needed to vacuum. He let out a small sigh. Why did he work so hard to impress her anyway? Raven didn't especially like him, and she wasn't his favorite person either. She was an okay person, but she wasn't someone he wanted to spend a lot of time with…so why was he trying so hard to make her like him? It wasn't like he liked her romantically or anything…well at least he didn't think he liked her that way…did he like her that way? Beast Boy considered the strange notion. She was pretty, there was no lie about that…and there was something intriguing about her. Beast Boy shook his head to get rid of the idea. What was he thinking? He liked blondes. Pretty blue eyed blondes. Beast Boy smiled as he thought about them. He really liked blondes with those cute little ditzy laughs. "Yeah, those are the kind of girls I'd date. Not goths like Raven…she can be downright creepy sometimes." He said to himself out loud as he got up and went to the window. Thunder rumbled. As Beast Boy looked out of his window over the bay he found a surprising sight. It was Raven…dancing…on water. It wasn't the fact that Raven was out flying, or the fact that she was standing on water…it was the fact that she was dancing…like she was…happy. Beast Boy had to do a double take. 'There was no way on earth that Raven is dancing in the middle of the bay…she might dance in her room by herself…but in the middle of the bay…where people could see her? That's not like Raven at all.' Some how Beast Boy couldn't stop watching her. He was entranced by the very idea of Raven dancing. He'd never imagined her very graceful, especially because she was so tomboy-ish, but there she was. Dancing on water. There was something quite magical about watching the dark girl waltzing over waves that kept his attention riveted. Suddenly the heavens let go, and the rain began to pour. Within seconds it was obvious that Raven was soaked to the bone. It seemed suddenly that her serious side began to take over and she flew back to the tower's roof. Even after Raven had vanished from his sight, his eyes were glued to where she'd danced. Maybe there was more to Raven than he'd originally given credit to.  
He finally tore his eyes from the waves when he heard someone walk down the hallway with a loud squishing sound. He turned and opened his door to find Raven walking past his door. She yelped in surprise. Beast Boy, surprised to see her dripping wet and outside his door, gasped and took a step back. He quickly regained his composure. He didn't want Raven to know that he'd seen her dancing…somehow, it felt like a secret Raven had accidentally shared with him, and he didn't want to betray her. "Why are you wet?" He asked, not letting on that he knew where she'd been.

"I-I was on the roof and it started to rain…what business is it of yours anyway?" Raven said, the last comment added as she put up her wall again.

Beast Boy was a little hurt by her words. He'd only asked why she was wet. Why did she have to be so defensive all the time? Couldn't he just ask a concerned question without getting road blocked? "Sorry I asked." Beast Boy replied, covering his hurt with spite. Raven turned on her heel without a second look and continued down the hallway to her room, her shoes squished with water all the way back and she left a small trail of water in her wake.

Beast Boy shook his head. "I don't understand her." He went back into his room and shut the door once more. "Why do I even care what she thinks? I should go downstairs and blab to the whole tower about her little water-dancing escapade." He said that, but he didn't mean it. He knew that if he told anyone, Raven would never trust him again…not that she trusted him nowadays anyway…

Why did he bother? What was it about her that made him constantly try to come up with ways to make her laugh? What was it that made him want to try and make her like him? Beast Boy thought about the answers to those questions for a long time, but no answers ever came. Trying to answer those questions was like trying to touch the dark.


End file.
